Inside the Rainforest Theatre – Wyndham Crystal Palace

I got to judge! Well I had to share a sheet with that Fat Cling On Jordanian guy who kept feeling me up under the table. However the good news is I spotted my colorful friend Donnie whom I met last year and he invited me to his table. Yay! Rescued by the New York Italian/Jew Crew.

Of course being the conscientious lady that I am, I waited for an intermission before I broke the bad news to the the chubby Cling On. His Middle Eastern machismo must have been hurt – as you know some guys think that because they buy you a few drinks they get to monopolize all of your time and earn the right to feel you up. Talk about asking for a little too much. Whatever. Has he forgotten that the casino serves free drinks thus rendering him useless [that is, if I were just using him for drinks]?

As callous as that sounds – he was a royal jackass – every time I tried to snap a pic of the girls on stage he kept bumping into me. Or he let his chubby little fingers do the walking underneath the table – and my dress.

“Listen, remember I told you I’ve been looking for my friends the whole time? Well I found them. Or rather, they found me. Thanks for everything and I’ll catch you later,” I say in a most polite and gentle manner. His friends at the table probably gave him the ribbing of a lifetime but it’s not my problem. Perhaps he should have been more thoughtful by keeping his hands to himself. You would have thought he had gotten the hint the previous night – you know – where boy asks girl for a kiss right as he walks her to her room and she gives him a door slamming “no.”

And speaking of reunions, I ran into an old friend of mine whom I hadn’t seen since 2001 (or is it 02?) when I was in the pageant myself and I was rooming with an affable and infectiously crazy Aussie girl named Tabetha Whitby [who went on to TV reality fame].

“Elvis!” I screamed running down the aisle with my arms outstretched like some madwoman. Elvis is an international party boy from Louisiana who always seems to be rubbing elbows with models, moguls, and porn stars. And yes they really do call him Elvis.

“Oh. My. God. Is it really you? Holy shit!” We give each other a second good hard squeeze and he walks me over to his table where I’m introduced to Gia Allemand, Carl Pavano’s fiancee and one of last year’s winners (I gave her a high score as did everyone else). She looks at me, unimpressed, and gives me a curt nod before giving me the back of her head. Oh well.

The Judge’s Sheet

(Jordanian and I fought over the scores. The first five didn’t fare so well).

American Dream Calendar Pageant Girls

(Evening wear segment)

[Below] Contest winner also known as “Miss Telemundo.” Every guy had a picture of her awe inspiring ass in his camera. Unfortunately I don’t.

More

(I need to adjust my camera because the lighting is so off).

The Bikini Segment.

[Below] Miss “Israel’s” bumpin’ physique. Rumor has it she loves women. Too.

More.

[Below] Miss Jamaica is really stunning. I thought she was Asian at first. She’s the only one who literally took my breath away. She reminds me of Naomi Campbell. She’s participated in previous American Dream pageants. It’s time she gets her due. Love her new haircut too.

More.

And the winner is…

and

and

[Above in blue] My table loved Miss Charlotte from England.

That’s all. Stay tuned for the post party pics.

Posting photos of beautiful women is a thankless task. But someone’s gotta do it.