The apartment is damn near spotless and the Tank Kid is here – doing well else? Cleaning the fish tank of course! The algae eater has an unsightly string of shit attached to its body and every time it moves the string wiggles along with it. I also noticed that my Angel fish is history. I really ought to feed those fish in a timely manner.

I’m eying Tank Kid as I sit here and contemplate the mess that is my computer desk. He has a physique that is aesthetically pleasing to gaze upon and I can totally see myself pulling a Mrs. Robinson but good god man! Not only does he have a bit of a butterface but nephew will be arriving any minute now and the last thing I want to do is traumatize the poor boy by getting caught flagrante delicto with some kid four years older than him! Instead I shall sit here and eat this whole bar of milk chocolate Ritter Sport which will serve as a replacement for you know what. I hear that people who eat a lot of sugar are straight out hard up.

Did I tell you that I consume almost a pound of red licorice per week?

It’s true. I am a sugar freak. Laughter is also an excellent alternative for lackanookie and I’ve got this aching hard on for the movie Amadeus. So I bid you adieu as I must abide by this fierce sense of urgency while waiting for trouble to come bursting through the door.