Is It Wrong to Hate A Parent?
Posted on May 4, 2008 by Stiletto
I’m stuck on the phone with my mother.
What a bitch. What a miserable human being. I wish she would just…disappear.
My brother owes me money and he’s kept my camcorder hostage for a month and she’s defending his bad behavior. She has also made this conversation about her.
Should I just tell her to go to hell?
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When I make similar observations and comments about my own mother, people tell me I’m a heartless ass. Thank you for letting me know I’m not alone in the world.
The fact is: even evil, self-centered women can have children.
The fact that they do doesn’t make them less so.
The fact that we, their offspring, can can put aside “loyalty” to see them for what they actually are, shouldn’t make us pariahs.
There is a statue of limitations on how long someone may use the “I gave birth to you” card to abuse and injure and use another human. Your mother’s card is expired. Walk away.
Her refusal to see the truth about my brother is beyond annoying, it’s sickening and pathetic and she walks around in a constant state of denial. I can do no right, yet he can do no wrong. She even went as far as blaming his friends and girlfriends - past and present - for his irresponsible behavior.
I seriously don’t get it. The most insane person I’ve met!
I had to draw the line with my father. After six months of not hearing from me he finally called and asked why, and I said, “You’re so unpleasant when I talk to you that why would I ever talk to you? There are other people I enjoy talking to.” After that conversation, when he realized that I viewed his company as optionable and unenjoyable, he did actually become a lot more pleasant to be around.
It’s worth a shot. After all, how much more unpleasant can she be if you use call screening?
Well you are trying to do the impossible. Talk logically with a crazy person, and get approval from someone who uses whithholding approval for self agrandizement and power. She will never be logical, but she does have an uncanny sense of self preservation and probably will give you approval — but only if she senses her hold is slipping and doing that will get you back in line where she can can get her claws back in you.
It is how they work. Any time you are happy, there will be a huge dramatic upheaval centering on her. Any time anything family happens that might not focus on her, she will make it about her, or create some new dramatic emotion laden issue that is bigger and about her. It is all about dragging the focus of people’s emotions back to her. And the only time she will really be content is when you are miserable or failing at something and she can feel superior to you and satisfied in your discontent. Which she will then use to manipulate you. She is an emotional vampire, and that will never change, it will just get more and more pronounced as she gets older and less inclined to or good at covering it up.
That leaves you two courses of action. Take it. Or disengage. There is no in between.
I’m suddenly suspicious that “Max” might be one of my sisters using a pseudonym.
Your sister must be very smart.
Good point - she’s obviously not my sister.
Oh everyone who has grown up with this mom recognizes her right off. She is maybe wearing a different face, maybe a different dress, but that is Mom for sure you cannot miss her in action.
Some people’s souls are so wounded and irreparably damaged that they can’ t see beyond themselves.
True.
That does not mean you should stick around to be wounded too.