A childhood girlfriend of mine whom I grew up with in Mississippi and who suddenly resurfaced cut ties with me on Facebook!  She’d deleted my profile from her friends’ section!  This perplexing discovery prompted me to fire off an email asking if I’d offended her in some way.

“Honestly you scare me a little,” she fired back.  Huh?

“I hope that doesn’t sound mean!!! and let me try to explain. You are a liberal wild child. I love you !!! but I have “friends” on here who are probably easily scandelized [sic]. If I could censor what others saw, I can handle most anything. But, I am going to have to keep you off my page. I didn’t tell because I couldn’t. It’s not goodbye just you can’t be on my page. Are you mad at me for saying all this? I do love you!!! You are a lifetime friend! Not a fb friend ug :( I’m sorry! Hope you understand!”

Oh my God, Stiletto is a liberal wild child!  {{{Snickers}}}  Possibly three of the funniest words strung together I’d heard in a while!  Who would have ever thought?!  Actually, it would be scandalous if ya haven’t if figured it out by now!

I was stunned yet not surprised.  “Melissa” had a very traditional Catholic upbringing and her parents, both exceptionally strict and conservative, were just about anti-everything.  One time I uttered, “Oh God,” and Melissa warned that I’d better not let her mom hear me or else I’d get slapped right across the face like the last kid who dared sully the good Lord’s name.  Her parents frowned upon birth control, too, and Melissa’s sole responsibility was helping her mother manage a household of three younger brothers and a baby sister.

Like most relationships, we had our ups and downs.  But for a girl still a few years short of junior high, she could be downright condescending!  She’d even gone so far as to warn me that if I didn’t “believe” I was going to go straight to hell.  She also tried to discourage me from becoming an actress.  “You’re not white enough to be on television,” she said.

I took a few hours to think about my response.  Finally:

“No, I’m not upset. Actually, I don’t even know how to describe how I feel. I got into a fight with my brother and then right after I read this message…so whatever I’m feeling I’ll need to separate the two to reach the proper conclusion.  I think I’m a bit surprised and not surprised. Honestly, I don’t know. Not used to it I guess.”

Too bad she didn’t choose her words as carefully!

“One thing: what made me push the x was your status of “oh, F***ing God”. Anybody checking my friend list could see that. Not sure of your religious beliefs but I did find that offensive. And thank you for the apology!

Sorry, to hear about the falling out with your brother! Those are hard.”

She said x button as if I were some sort of toxic material that she was dumping into a nuclear fucking waste site!  I suppose next time she needs advice on losing weight or sculpting and toning her body, she can look to her less “scandalous” sources! But I particularly love how she tried to talk me into analyzing and tracing her husband’s emails simply because “she’s a very jealous person!”  I guess that’s what it means when they say SOMETIMES IT TAKES THE DEVIL TO DO GOD’S WORK!