I Don’t Want to Love You Anymore

WARNING: More depressing thoughts.

The New Guy at the Gym II

Well, new to me as I’ve never seen him before.
Really hot. Older Gorgeous salt and pepper hair. Built like a brick shithouse. I mean this guy has the physique of a god! Drives a $250,000 Mercedes but doesn’t put on airs. In fact, his company shirt reads *&* [...]

The New Guy at the Gym

I finally got my mojo back and kicked ass in the gym on Saturday! And while I was stretching I saw the most amazing looking creature in the mirror…no, not me, silly! The guy behind me who was stretching, too! I was doing twists which forced my head to turn his way [...]

Joyless and Numb

 

I’ve temporarily succumbed to melancholic despair. Writing has become a bit of a challenge this week and I’m more in a mood to indulge in other people’s works and dig into their introspection. I’ll tear off this black veil when both the moon and mood tires of this phase and my inner wench [...]

Paramours of Satan

There’s a certain level of angst for a universally attractive woman. More so if she is sexual by nature and uses it as a bargaining chip to secure men for her own needs. The rest of the population would collectively surmise that she is either dumb as a rock or a natural born predator. [...]

The Greatest Monologue in Cinema History?

Max says so and she is the expert. Of course it’s all subjective. I haven’t watched Jaws in ages.

It is very chilling.

Steer Clear of Chicks Named Evelyn

“Do you ever find yourself…being completely smothered by somebody?”
Yes. Yes, yes, yes! Been there, done that! Er, I mean, had that done!
Oh my God! This is so cheesy but AWESOME!

I’m still laughing…
BTW, I accidentally titled this, Steer Clear of Chicks Named Misty…probably thinking of my ex-husband’s second wife…PSYCHO!

May’s Wine Review

My friend brought me this as a gift.

Now I know you are wondering, Why on earth would someone bring you a book on Barbaro? I suppose it’s because he’s a horse vet (he worked as a consultant with Barbaro’s people) and he wants me to have something to read while I get drunk off [...]

Million Calorie Weekend

I was bad this weekend.

My favorite beer -0- Witterkerke at the Belga Cafe -0- and for him a dark yummy premium Raspberry.

Honest to God the best chocolate cake I have ever had. So fresh you can taste the eggs. From Willow.

Am I going to fit in all three of my new bikinis this [...]

Caribbean Bound

I’ve decided I’m going to fly down to the Bahamas for Memorial Day weekend where the 27th annual American Dream Calendar Girl Summer Nationals will be held. I did it last year and had one hell of a jolly good time and I suppose I ought to make it my own personal tradition and [...]

Revel In Your Divine Whore, Married Women!

Ladies!
Don’t want to find your dearly beloved husband’s work or personal number in some sensationally publicized forty-six pounds of cell phone records that happens to belong to the Beltway Madam or one of similar repute (or any Madam, for that matter)? Are you upset and frustrated when he neglects the garbage or he won’t scrub [...]

Car/10 Personality/0

Dear Stiletto:
I don’t know what came over me. Here is a picture of my new car. Do you want to take a ride???

Dear Dickless in Maryland:

They Call the Rising Sun

The universe has an extremely twisted sense of humor.
Just remember that.
Premonitions are a funny thing. They never really tell you what you need to know, instead they fill your head with silly and trivial facts.

If You Want To Earn Your Man

You’ve got to learn your man!
“…her vagina is cold, she’s laying in bed at night playing with toys. Or she’s got a man beside her, he’s a good provider but he’s not hitting the walls and working the middle like that daaawg that she havin’ that sneaky sex with…”
I couldn’t resist lifting this little gem of a [...]

VA Tech Massacre and the Blame Game

Now is not the time to point the finger.
I found this excellent editorial that sums up exactly the way I feel about the Virginia Tech massacre.
Lay blame on Cho, not Tech leaders
The Virginian-Pilot
© April 18, 2007
The fact that grieving parents and frightened students are already demanding resignations from Virginia Tech President Charles [...]

A Chip off the Ol’ Block

The joyfulness of a man prolongeth his days. 
[What was bundled up inside my fortune cookie today].
He’s.  Still.  Here.
The little serial arsonist in the making that is my teen age nephew missed his nine a.m. flight.  His father yelled at me twice over the tele as though it is my fault.  My fault!  If it wasn’t for my nephew’s unrelenting [...]

On Your Mark, Get Set, Lube

If there is one hallmark of virtue I can proudly claim it’s my steadfast refusal to kiss ass even under the most advantageous of circumstances. So when my dear personal trainer suggested that I slather resident asshole [and the new manager of our gym] with an effusive buttering up of his ‘roidally injected buns, I [...]

Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

 
Oh my god, I just dreamt that I stabbed Joan Crawford to death with a very long knife.  It took three f-in’ times to kill the bitch!  What I mean is, I dreamt the same scenario THREE TIMES IN A ROW. 
How did I go from an LA film audition to ending with wiping blood off a [...]

Give Me A New Pair, Please

Something is wrong with my eyes. Something has been festering on my eyelids since LAST SUMMER - right before I took my nephew to San Francisco for a sweet little summer vacation. Can you believe how f-ing lazy I am? I WAITED UNTIL LATE FALL to even get my ass to the dermatologist! She prescribed [...]

Liar Liar, Pants on Fire

I’m in trouble.
I told my trainer last week that I had that monthly curse thing going on because what I really had was Thai food [that would be chicken with basil, extra spicy] from the night before bubbling in my stomach and performing hyperextensions with twenty two pound weights was an accident waiting to happen. [...]

Tag, I’m It

Max, I am going to grab you by the ankles, turn you upside down and dip your head in…in…oh, I don’t know…dark red henna.  But Celluloid Cherry sounds like an adult film star name spawned by some crazy net generator and one quality that cannot be attributed to you is bad taste.
So I’ve been tagged by Max [...]

The Plebian Life

 I am dying to write today and blog surf and reply to everyone’s comments but I have to get on my hands and knees and scrub dirty toilets and spray that noxious stuff called Tilex to combat the mildew in the tubs.  I have to rip the sheets off the bed and wash them in Downey because it reminds me [...]

Don’t Let the Door Hit You From Behind

Uncle K called last night while I was drinking wine and vodka. I had just gotten back from hanging out with the front desk girl and and this sophisticated yokel from Texas who happened to stop by while I was sticking Chinese dumplings in my mouth and covertly sipping raspberry flavored vodka from a [...]

Dangerous Liaisons

I am ashamed to say “his” name or refer to him by the less than subtle nickname that I tend to ascribe to those I gossip about but I can’t stop thinking about him. We have been corresponding like crazy - text messages, IM, emails, all the usual methods of modern communication - and [...]

Stalker in the Making

 
My late afternoon gym session wraps up with me sitting in my trainer’s office and perusing through the numerous muscle mags his best friend had dropped off earlier.  And somehow the convo that has revolved around Jay Cutler and various other Mr. Olympias casually segues into whining about how hard it is to find a good man to date and intelligently separating them [...]

Fakin’ the Big O

Restaurant “O,” that is.
Maestro is a world class dining establishment and among its legions of fans and an extensive internet search, I must be the only one who does not ”get it.”  It is a colorful but severe departure from the norm and last night’s culinary exhibitions nearly drove me to the brink of insanity. Maybe it was the all the duck [...]

Five Diamonds My Ass

Last night my girlfriend Kiki called and told me to meet her and her new boyfriend at some place down the street from my apartment I never even heard of but was sort of eager to check out now that they mentioned it. I’m so out of the loop, I guess I’m not that cool [...]

Ooops I Did It Again

I left town on one of those freaky and flimsy regional jets which is not good for those who suffer from claustrophobia (like me) but perfect if you don’t want to sit next to anyone because I got stuffed into the left side of the plane all by myself with no neighbors on my left [...]

Men Are Such Assholes

 
They come around with their sweet talk and buzz around like little horny bees trying to score some nectar.  A Secret Service guy I knew told me I had a “fuck face.”  (And he used to be a lover - big surprise that my taste in men hasn’t evolved much)!  Now, what the hell is that?  And, is that flattering or is [...]

The Song that Makes Me Cry

I bet you didn’t know I had it in me.  Even Stiletto Girl gets sentimental and weepy at times and not just from chopping onions and the pesky vapors that irritate my eyes.   I listened to three recordings of this song on my iPod and watched numerous versions of it on You Tube.  When I figure [...]