Post Thanksgiving Miscellany

Dear Diary:
My brother got fired from his job. Again. I don’t know how he plans on supporting himself. I called our mutual friend “F” and found out that he’s still using. What the fuck? Maybe now that he’s out of work he can check into rehab. But who’s going [...]

Vintage

Me at a piano recital circa sometime in the eighties (can’t you tell by the hair?) ~
For some reason my brother keeps bombarding me with memories of my childhood.

A Chip off the Ol’ Block

The joyfulness of a man prolongeth his days. 
[What was bundled up inside my fortune cookie today].
He’s.  Still.  Here.
The little serial arsonist in the making that is my teen age nephew missed his nine a.m. flight.  His father yelled at me twice over the tele as though it is my fault.  My fault!  If it wasn’t for my nephew’s unrelenting [...]

Out of the Closet

It’s a clothing sale!
I’m sorry, Mama. I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to make you cry, but tonight I’m cleanin’ out my closet.[Eminem]

Actually, mother, the clothes you buy me are so inconsiderate and thoughtless that I just chucked that shit in the Salvation Army dumpster and the dumpster threw it back up.  Mother, guess what?  [...]

Oh, Evil Woman

 My mother has no idea of how to communicate properly or effectively. The ol’, You Attract More Bees with Honey than Vinegar, is not on her list of maxims to live by. Let me familiarize you with her history, in case you’re not already aware of it - she suffers from borderline personality disorder or [...]

More FL Pics Dec 2006

Ah, such reverence.

Gone Fishin’ Dec 2006

Much to my family’s chagrin, I am the only one who catches a fish off the hotel pier.  Within minutes, my mirth gives way to melancholy as I sit transfixed by the spectacle that is dangling from the line.  The peculiar looking creature fights hard, violently flopping its body in an attempt to free itself from the enslavement of my hook.  A flash of shiny [...]

Hell is Paved with Good Intentions

I’m Italian! And Spaniard! And Greek! And Flemish, and North African (North African? No way!), and Indian… But mostly Italian. WTF? Where’s the German, the English, the French…and most importantly, who stole the Asian?
What the hell are they smokin’ in that lab?
Am I even remotely related to my family? [...]

Is This Shirt Gay?

 

 
I bought my brother this shirt for Christmas from a designer clothing store called hotntrendy.com. Do you think it looks gay?
I hope so because he really pissed me off on Sunday. It’s not a good idea to piss people off around Christmas.
 

The Birds and Bees Gone South

I think one can ascertain from previous entries that my younger brother is one hundred and ten percent certifiably plum crazy. When he calls I am most certain that he’s going to ruffle the hairs on the back of my neck. Chatting with him is not high on the list of pleasurable indulgences.
It is a [...]

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You’re So Pretty

My brother called this afternoon, upset, because, while attending a concert at a local dive venue to watch - Vanilla Fudge <gasp> - some random bozo standing behind him inquired into his marital status. Startled, he swung around to confront the guy; instead:
Bro: Divorced
Dude: So am I.
Bro: Oh.
Dude: You look like a pretty girl.
Bro: <baffled> [...]

Happy Bunny Day

I pray that for Easter dinner my wicked mother breaks bad and serves my brother a plateful of veggies with dip that contains animal byproducts. That whacked out vegan freak almost killed me yesterday as he tried to maneuver around some man passed out in his vehicle. A policeman pulled into the next lane thus [...]