Beautiful Seven

Saturday night at Sette Bello with Ken & Jo of the most excellent blog, Dangerous Playthings.
[Put that leg down, girl - you're going commando! When you're squeezed into a dress this tight you have no choice. Unsightly panty lines distract from the pièce de résistance].
Click right for more photos…

Should Have Stayed in Hell

Kitty reminded me of this story.
Back in 2001, upon returning from his days on an Alaskan commercial fishing boat, my freshly retired, wet-eyed, quivering lipped bisexual friend “F” used to drag me to open mic nights at Club Hell in Adams Morgan. I used to snort a little blow and drink a lot [...]

Are You Lonesome Tonight

Tonight I poured two glasses of Sauvignon Blanc and almost carried both into the living room. Until it dawned on me. That I was alone.
Maybe I’m celebrating. I’m moving, bitches!
Or maybe I really miss drinking with Max.
The funniest thing Max said to me all night:
“You can sleep in my bed if you [...]

They Call the Rising Sun

The universe has an extremely twisted sense of humor.
Just remember that.
Premonitions are a funny thing. They never really tell you what you need to know, instead they fill your head with silly and trivial facts.

On Your Mark, Get Set, Lube

If there is one hallmark of virtue I can proudly claim it’s my steadfast refusal to kiss ass even under the most advantageous of circumstances. So when my dear personal trainer suggested that I slather resident asshole [and the new manager of our gym] with an effusive buttering up of his ‘roidally injected buns, I [...]

Tag, I’m It

Max, I am going to grab you by the ankles, turn you upside down and dip your head in…in…oh, I don’t know…dark red henna.  But Celluloid Cherry sounds like an adult film star name spawned by some crazy net generator and one quality that cannot be attributed to you is bad taste.
So I’ve been tagged by Max [...]

Don’t Let the Door Hit You From Behind

Uncle K called last night while I was drinking wine and vodka. I had just gotten back from hanging out with the front desk girl and and this sophisticated yokel from Texas who happened to stop by while I was sticking Chinese dumplings in my mouth and covertly sipping raspberry flavored vodka from a [...]

Dangerous Liaisons

I am ashamed to say “his” name or refer to him by the less than subtle nickname that I tend to ascribe to those I gossip about but I can’t stop thinking about him. We have been corresponding like crazy - text messages, IM, emails, all the usual methods of modern communication - and [...]

What’s Behind Door Number Three

The beautifully brilliant and sharp witted Celluloid Blonde is over in her home away from home (or is that home within a home?) right now and right here and she is talking about cute neighbor guys.  She is crossing her fingers and wishing on a star that some hot stud will move into the vacant apartment near hers which is not [...]

Fakin’ the Big O

Restaurant “O,” that is.
Maestro is a world class dining establishment and among its legions of fans and an extensive internet search, I must be the only one who does not ”get it.”  It is a colorful but severe departure from the norm and last night’s culinary exhibitions nearly drove me to the brink of insanity. Maybe it was the all the duck [...]

Five Diamonds My Ass

Last night my girlfriend Kiki called and told me to meet her and her new boyfriend at some place down the street from my apartment I never even heard of but was sort of eager to check out now that they mentioned it. I’m so out of the loop, I guess I’m not that cool [...]

It Takes A Real Man to Get This Dirty

Graphic:  Do not venture further or else - be warned!

Mr. Snow Comes To Washington!

 
Ok, so it was snowing but I am still excited even if it’s going to turn into sleet and rain and ice.  Or whatever two of those combos are killer and deadly.  Perfect excuse to not drive to the gym even though I really need to get back on track because Friday night I allowed Uncle K [...]

Yes Dude Your Wife Is Cheating On You

Someone I know discovered a box of condoms in his wife’s glovebox last year when he went to retrieve her car from the valet. 
“I think she’s cheating on me,” he said.  “I confronted her in bed.  What can I say?  I was in such a state of shock that I couldn’t ask right after we left the restaurant.”
I [...]

What Happens in Vegas…

At least most of it anyway. I cannot reveal everything since I’ve sold out and allowed myself to be be censored but as soon as the Old Man and I split, I’ll spill all the very juicy details. It’s the sort of drama that hooks people on daytime tv. But for now, my lips are [...]

Gettin’ Spanked

 
Another incredible work out today!  But I’m a little ticked at my trainer.  Why?
He called me an airhead but not in a friendly way (is there ever a nice way to call someone stupid?) and I was quite offended.  Hurt actually.  STUNG.  I put the wrong weight on my side of the bar and he [...]

He Vanished into Thin Air

This morning I dreamt about my friend “W.”  I miss him terribly.  I don’t know why he ignores me now.  I think he’s got himself a little girlfriend - his ex’s ex best friend and his best friend’s ex.  Did that make sense?
Under no circumstances would I ever dump a friend just because I landed [...]

Note to Self: Don’t Discard Humans Yet

If there was one remarkable thing about today, it was the karate movie that drew me to the the Foreign Action kiosk located in the center of the mall.  Sha Po Lang caught my attention as it played on a large screen plasma mounted above a cart filled with an endless array of DVDs featuring men with scrunched brows and fists [...]

The Evil House on Highland Pt I

I’ve been injected with a poison!
I didn’t get to bed until six a.m. How fucked up is that? I finally managed to doze off after popping an anti-nausea pill. Yes, I was on my knees paying homage to the great big Porcelain God, offering a sacrifice of steak, wine, champagne, coffee, cigarettes and stomach acid. [...]

My Playboy Rejection Letter

I’ve always suspected Hugh Hefner of being a homo.  The interview below validates my belief.  You can’t blame him for turning gay, that is, if he wasn’t already a hanger in the closet.  The ample supply of nubile girls frolicking about his elderly feet must be overwhelming.  What mere mortal wouldn’t suffocate among the bounteous abundance of bouncing bosoms and bold blondage? It’s like [...]

A Sliver of Gossip

During my last two days of quiet desperation, I uncorked a 2003 Château Mongravey Margaux Cru Bourgeois and shared it with a friend of mine, a financier from London.  I decided it was time to be festive, even if it was three o’clock in the afternoon.  A departure from the norm, I suppose, as I don’t drink before five [...]

It’s a Celebration, Bitches!

Another evite - this time at my place!  My  friend LK’s Birthday Party.

I’m another year older and getting closer to perfection.  Come hope me celebrate
Honoured maenads and debauched disciples, it’s no longer January 1st, but we’re celebrating my birthday anyway…and OFFICIALLY…at my good pal, xxxx crib. Dionysus and the rest of the party gods have decreed [...]

Sandwiched Between Two Blondes

I found this picture in my yahoo box.  My friend - Mr. Baseball - sent it to me a while back.
Just a little “here is what you are missing” jab for not tripping over myself to catch the next train to New York to visit him.  [Sigh] Maybe I am missing a good thing. 
Why is he [...]

She Did It for Love

Hormonal fluctuations and the caprices of a woman!
I’m supposed to be in the Bahamas right about now but I decided to cancel my trip at six a.m. this morning. I guess frolicking with well-to-do gentlemen and beautiful international swimsuit models; sun, sand, surf, extravagant dinners and champagne toasts; gambling, water sports, and frivolous encounters with the opposite sex; not to mention [...]

Eight Years of Jerking Off

 
At least <sniff> I have New Orleans on the Fourth of July!
I forgot to mention that my San Francisco birthday trip has been cancelled.  I’m tempted to call the airlines and see if Uncle K bothered telling them - good chance he didn’t because he loathes dealing with people.  And if he didn’t, maybe I’ll fly there [...]