Wine Me Dine Me Love Me

Dear Diary: 
Hair is green no more.
I am happy again.
Went and bought this -

Tonight I will eat well. Drink alcohol. Screw the man I love.
Wine me, dine me, love me. See - I’m really not that hard to please.  Don’t listen to the rumors.
Life is good again.

Sugar Soothes the Savage Beast

I’m an alcoholic.
It’s not because of the amount of booze I drink.
It’s because of all the sugar I consume.
Back when I was fourteen and forced to endure a daily dose of dreadfully boring rehab mandated AA Meetings to remedy my moral failings (and aside from always looking like an overly dolled up and underaged [...]

Craggy Range Vineyards Wine & Dinner Feast

[Warning: The objects in this picture appear to be much larger than they really are]!
Screenwriters, Olympians, legendary restaurateurs, rock stars, and a close one with a Presidential candidate. And now - a kiwi winemaker! No, I’m not talking about some sordid little black book - rather my last two weeks at what I [...]

Happy Fourth of July!

It’s America’s 231st birthday! Happy Fourth of July! This year I’m going to miss -

- because I seriously tweaked my left trap while doing pull ups on Monday and I’m in a good deal of pain! Instead I’ll sit at home and drop some muscle relaxers or drink some wine [...]

Yours Truly, Satan {{{Redux}}}

As I wrote before the cat had sashayed into my office and with much aplomb she dropped the bomb, thus rendering me weak and powerless to pen some prose.
Once again:
Here’s a huge thanks to the person who text messaged me at 2 am on the dot and chose callback number 666. Very funny. [...]

I Got My Louboutins, Goddamn It

I was in a glum mood today.
Tired and slightly hungover and harboring a vomit inducing stomach blockage from last night’s birthday celebration at the very colorful and stylish champagne bar Napoleon in the Adams Morgan section of Washington DC (where this wild eyed and crazy house jester cackled madly and danced all over the place [...]

Today I Celebrate My Existence

I love my boyfriend.
I really do.
When I look into his big brown Italian eyes I still get a rush. He also has the most gorgeous smile in the world. Sure, his teeth are a bit jacked up in the front but his smile is still number one.
He took me to a boutique right [...]

Oh Car I Wish You Were Mine!

Pant, pant!

Introducing the 2007 Lexus is300 ! This car is fantastic, inside and out!

Look at all those crazy moon roof settings!

Of course I would get mine in Starfire Pearl -o-

Not really affordable right now. I’ll just dream and cream.

The New Guy at the Gym II

Well, new to me as I’ve never seen him before.
Really hot. Older Gorgeous salt and pepper hair. Built like a brick shithouse. I mean this guy has the physique of a god! Drives a $250,000 Mercedes but doesn’t put on airs. In fact, his company shirt reads *&* [...]

Gays Take Your Lifestyle Elsewhere

And leave eHarmony alone!
In fact, maybe I should sue these sites: gaylesbianintroductions.com, gayoptions.com, biggestgay.com, and gaycupid.com for discrimination against my (often questionable depending on what I drink that night) sexuality!
I’ve been wanting to write about this upon hearing of this ridiculous lawsuit but I got caught up in more pressing matters (such [...]

The New Guy at the Gym

I finally got my mojo back and kicked ass in the gym on Saturday! And while I was stretching I saw the most amazing looking creature in the mirror…no, not me, silly! The guy behind me who was stretching, too! I was doing twists which forced my head to turn his way [...]

Relax Don’t Do It!

I have this fantasy.
My birthday falls on a Friday and how fun would it be if I flew in a really hot piece of ass guy for the weekend and we could diligently aim for nonstop sexual nirvana?
Should I pay for his flight too?  As a courtesy?  lol
Lately I have been a little too obsessed [...]

For Raincoaster Lover of Cephalopod

An early birthday present for a fellow Cancerian. Oh please please I hope she didn’t already discover this and if she did - go ahead and lie to me! I put so much thought into this one! (Ok, now I’m lying, I just happened to stumble upon this while looking for sordid [...]

Paramours of Satan

There’s a certain level of angst for a universally attractive woman. More so if she is sexual by nature and uses it as a bargaining chip to secure men for her own needs. The rest of the population would collectively surmise that she is either dumb as a rock or a natural born predator. [...]

Netflix You Suck!

For some reason I’ve been getting double billed by Netflix. For a year. And a half. When I pointed it out to their customer service department they refused to reimburse me for the whole eighteen months.
“We can only give you six month’s credit,” said the whiny snot nosed girl on the phone.
Well [...]

Steer Clear of Chicks Named Evelyn

“Do you ever find yourself…being completely smothered by somebody?”
Yes. Yes, yes, yes! Been there, done that! Er, I mean, had that done!
Oh my God! This is so cheesy but AWESOME!

I’m still laughing…
BTW, I accidentally titled this, Steer Clear of Chicks Named Misty…probably thinking of my ex-husband’s second wife…PSYCHO!

May’s Wine Review

My friend brought me this as a gift.

Now I know you are wondering, Why on earth would someone bring you a book on Barbaro? I suppose it’s because he’s a horse vet (he worked as a consultant with Barbaro’s people) and he wants me to have something to read while I get drunk off [...]

Hate is Not A Family Value

As you know the Old Man is a die hard Republican. This means I have to order not one but two copies of The Reagan Diaries - one for Father’s Day and the other for him as a belated birthday gift. Some might see this as a waste of $40 but I confess [...]

Caribbean Bound

I’ve decided I’m going to fly down to the Bahamas for Memorial Day weekend where the 27th annual American Dream Calendar Girl Summer Nationals will be held. I did it last year and had one hell of a jolly good time and I suppose I ought to make it my own personal tradition and [...]

Revel In Your Divine Whore, Married Women!

Ladies!
Don’t want to find your dearly beloved husband’s work or personal number in some sensationally publicized forty-six pounds of cell phone records that happens to belong to the Beltway Madam or one of similar repute (or any Madam, for that matter)? Are you upset and frustrated when he neglects the garbage or he won’t scrub [...]

Car/10 Personality/0

Dear Stiletto:
I don’t know what came over me. Here is a picture of my new car. Do you want to take a ride???

Dear Dickless in Maryland:

Take Your Wife, Please!

“Stiletto, how would you like to go to a Wizards game - my VIP tickets entitle us to the pre game cocktail party. What do you think? It’ll be a hell of a good time.”
I arch my eyebrows in amusement. Today out of all days was not the day to play around. [...]

They Call the Rising Sun

The universe has an extremely twisted sense of humor.
Just remember that.
Premonitions are a funny thing. They never really tell you what you need to know, instead they fill your head with silly and trivial facts.

Well, Excuse Me

Stilettos, on April 19th, 2007 at 1:54 pm Said:
Hey, could I commission you to develop a theme for me? I’d pay you - for real. I’m looking for someone to do this. Thanks.

Small Potato, on April 19th, 2007 at 2:47 pm Said:

Alpha Male Returned

Speaking of men and guns, that SWAT guy I was lusting over in 2007 January is now single and available.
According to “P,” my personal trainer (and direct line to gossip adrift in the gym), that idiotic ex girlfriend of his now has her eye on a really good looking surgeon from Iowa with [...]

My Inner Fashionista Loves A Good Bargain

I don’t know if this is over indulgent or what but I just came back from TJ Maxx and brought home twelve to die for blouses, one black sweatsuit, a pair of grey slacks and a glass sculpture of a woman’s torso.  I am not sure if I saved a significant amount of money because I [...]

If You Want To Earn Your Man

You’ve got to learn your man!
“…her vagina is cold, she’s laying in bed at night playing with toys. Or she’s got a man beside her, he’s a good provider but he’s not hitting the walls and working the middle like that daaawg that she havin’ that sneaky sex with…”
I couldn’t resist lifting this little gem of a [...]

Guns Are For Pussies

 
Wouldn’t it be something if America pimped out and hailed the virtues of the long lost art of sword fighting?  No longer would you be subject to wannabe gang bangers bustin’ out lurid lyrics on their most recent gunfire exchange because a drug deal went south or some rival gang member crossed over into enemy territory [...]

A Chip off the Ol’ Block

The joyfulness of a man prolongeth his days. 
[What was bundled up inside my fortune cookie today].
He’s.  Still.  Here.
The little serial arsonist in the making that is my teen age nephew missed his nine a.m. flight.  His father yelled at me twice over the tele as though it is my fault.  My fault!  If it wasn’t for my nephew’s unrelenting [...]

On Your Mark, Get Set, Lube

If there is one hallmark of virtue I can proudly claim it’s my steadfast refusal to kiss ass even under the most advantageous of circumstances. So when my dear personal trainer suggested that I slather resident asshole [and the new manager of our gym] with an effusive buttering up of his ‘roidally injected buns, I [...]